Are you a gay guy who speaks English? Stop here! Let us know your experience and read how gay guys from other countries live their being gay
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Iscritto il: sabato 9 maggio 2009, 22:05


Messaggio da progettogayforum » venerdì 15 maggio 2009, 15:46

admin ha scritto:GAY GUYS AND GAY SEX, How gay guys approach sex

As usual the analysis of access keys to my websites gives me concrete arguments for reflection. I have chose some fairly typical.
Among the access keys used by parents probably some are worthy of attention, alongside the classics

"Parents of gay children"
"Accept gay children"
I find also:
"Discover the child who masturbates"
"My son masturbates what do I do?"

The use of these keys for access, far from awaken a smile, should be taken very seriously. In this case a parent worries not about the homosexuality of his son but that the boy masturbates. The use of the verb "discover" is indicative of the sense of surprise of the writer, but beyond the discovery one wonders how to behave. Speaking about boys (son), a key access like those mentioned, used by a father, would seem absolutely incredible, because I do not think that an adult man might wonder about the idea that his son masturbates. If, as I think, these access keys are used from mothers, I can only infer that these ladies have not the slightest knowledge of male sexuality. In this sense, their attitude may be entirely ruling and not informed and can produce not small trauma for children. Let me note that the wonder of the parent who is surprised that his son masturbates is exactly symmetrical to that of the son who discovers that parents have a sex life, but while everybody can understand the dismay of a very young boy we cannot justify the puzzled attitude of the parent.
The sexuality of a guy, especially if young, finds the most obvious achievements in masturbation. The privacy of a guy who masturbates must never be disturbed for any reason, much less by a parent. For a boy, being surprised in the act of masturbating is a terrible, traumatic experience, especially if the discovery by the parent is accompanied by signs of concern. A guy, now adult, told me that he was surprised by his father while masturbating and that wasn’t particularly traumatic for him, but the scene was designed more or less like this: the father comes in the room while the child is masturbating, apologizes, closes the door and leaves and, later, makes no reference to the fact, when the father sees his son embarrassed tells him: "look everybody does masturbate!" and the story ends there. No parent can seriously expect to meddle in these things that are absolutely private affairs of children.
Very different, and much more delicate is the question of the relationship of parents with gay children, especially when it gay children made their coming out outside the family. I must underline that a group, usually fed, of readers comes to my sites with keys like this:

"Tell parents to be gay"
"Tell parents to be homosexual"
"Coming out homosexuality parents"
or even
"Gay boys worked over by parents"

Yesterday evening it happened to me to chat with a guy 21 y. o ., a serious guy, not chasing easy sex but friendship through chat (which is certainly not the best place to find gay friends). He said that friends know nothing about his sexual orientation, if they knew they would drop him immediately. He hasn’t the courage to tell his parents that he’s gay, because his father would react violently, and every time you talk about gay he manifests a terrible aggressive attitude. Even at 21 y. o., therefore, gay guys are afraid to come out with their parents. This is not exceptional ... it’s the rule. But a boy becomes aware of being gay much earlier than 21 y. o.. A group of access keys, probably coming from very young boys, indicates the uncertainty about being gay and understanding exactly what being gay means.

" What age boys discover to be gay? "
"How can I understand if I’m gay"
"How understand if a guy is gay"

Another group still indicates the need to find a comparison on the first gay experiences and the possibility of a heterosexual love.

"I discovered to be gay"
"Stories of boys who discover to be gay"
"Stories of first gay experiences"
"Friend's love of the same sex"
"Homosexuality in schools"
"Why am I in love with a heterosexual?"
"Love between a boy and a heterosexual guy"
"I gay, he heterosexual"

Another group of access keys is about finding "not dangerous" contacts with other gay guys.

"Chat for gay boys"
"How to trust gay sex meetings in chat"

Very often the loneliness of younger gay children takes them to the gay chats and here the speech is very delicate, not only because the soliciting of non legal boys through chat is criminally sanctioned, but even apart from this aspect, chats are a very special world . In the chats I found even very young boys (if they were really) so immediate with obscene proposals that I think very clearly that it was prostitution. As you do, this things will remain anyway. I would rather consider the guys (almost all legal) who seek sex on the net. Some of them have certainly nothing to do with prostitution but clearly aim to sexual activity usually without a direct meeting, but via webcam, in a way that is very risky, because movies can be recorded, and I think that they really are in many cases. Consequences can range from the publication on porn sites to real forms of blackmailing, when you meet people so naive to be recognizable. So I advise in the most absolute anyone sailing in the chats not to use webcam ... that are dangerous especially with unknown people. In chat you usually receive a call that begins with the question "got a webcam ?"... Caution! Obviously the same goes for the exchange of photos. But let’s come to the only written chats, which are those that I care about most. Many proposals for sexual contacts, that can be obtained on these chats, are not aggressive, are colloquials, there is a little dialogue and even not so stupid sometimes. Indeed I meet in chat guys in search of sex that aren’t surely typical good guys. Usually they aren’t very young boys, but between 20 and 24 y. o. ... they are polite, educated, before closing a brief conversation with me, that declare my age immediately, they feel obliged to chat a little with formulas such as "hello, was a pleasure to meet you." With some of these guys I was able to make a serious conversation even a quarter of an hour. I wonder why these guys go to seek sex on a chat. In theory it could be more adequate to seek emotional contacts with guys known in real life .... but evidently it is so difficult that the option of chatting is the only practicable. All this dismays me. Essentially all good things these guys could find in real life, in fact, are utopia, while a little chatting or a little sex online are concrete realities. Generally guys seeking gay sex in a moderate chatting hare no more than 25/26 y. o., when you meet older guys (few, but there are) the conversation becomes more serious, more personal and adult contact, you may experience a true dialogue also not very short and you can also find a real will of not superficial comparison. Typically, around 25 y. o. a gay guy has found his balance, more or less precarious but it has found it, and the search for sex chatting becomes marginal. The image of the gay planet that comes out of the chats is quite varied and, in any case, refers to very young age groups, accustomed to the use of Internet and to a more uninhibited interpersonal contact. For now I will stop here.